Alright, alright, youse mugs, gather 'round! Hey! You two in the back! Quit playin' pool and get over here! Whaddya think this is, a country club? Alright, now listen up, 'cause I ain't gonna tell ya twice! Some o' youse know what this is all about - Muggsy, Rocco, Jimmy, Tony, you guys been in on it from the start. But as for the rest o' you mutts, here it is: we're gonna pull off a heist, see? An' this ain't gonna be no ordinary score, neither. This is more important than money. Pack yer bags, boys - we're goin' to Hollywood!
We're gonna steal the Oscars for Edward G. Robinson!
What? O' course I know he's dead, ya friggin' mutt! He's been dead for years! That ain't the point! The point is those Academy bums ripped him off, see? Yeah! Those guys think they're such big shots. Every year, they hand out them Oscars like candy canes to whoever they think are the best, an' yet they never even nominated one o' the greatest actors who ever stepped in front of a camera! And don't tell me about that honorary Oscar they gave him, either! Nobody remembers rinky-dink awards like that!
What's the big deal? Rocco, all of a sudden I don't trust these mugs youse guys put together for this job! Anybody that don't know what makes Eddie G such a great actor don't belong in my crew - or for that matter, in life! But I'll explain it to youse bums, 'cause I need every man I can get!
Everybody knew Eddie G as the gangster's gangster: Little Caesar and movies like that. They helped put him on top. They made him big! But there was more t' him than that, see? Yeah! He could do comedy, he could do romance! He did film noir, sci-fi, even Westerns! Yeah, he could mix it up with other tough guys like Bogey, but he could give ya the soft soap too, when he wanted to! And he worked with great directors: Ford, Lang, Wilder, DeMille, big shots! I'm tellin' ya, he could do it all, and it didn't even matter than he wasn't a pretty boy like friggin' Cary Grant or somethin'!
Now my guys here been arguin' 'bout which o' Eddie's performances deserves the Oscar the most. Muggsy thinks he shoulda won for Key Largo. And why not? It's the best movie he and Bogey ever made together! In the 30s, Eddie was the star and Bogey was the second fiddle, but then Bogey became a star too. But it sure didn't change what the two o' them had together on screen! I tell ya, boys, I could watch this one all day. That part at the end, when they're on the boat - forget about it!
And then Rocco keeps sayin' he shoulda won for Double Indemnity. I can see that, too. He's a tough-talkin' mug in that one, but he's also the good guy! I know, I know, but it's okay, see, 'cause in that one he's real smart - I mean razor-friggin'-sharp - and he keeps that sexy broad and her sap of a boyfriend on their toes! They don't know if they can get away with their murder job or not, and that's what makes the whole thing great to watch!
But Tony here, he likes pictures like The Woman in the Window. That's where you get Eddie the romantic. He falls for a broad who was in a painting, and yeah, there's some sappy, lovey-dovey stuff, but he kills a man in it too! And there's blackmail and other good stuff like that in it too! I'm tellin' ya, boys, when ya see him in a movie like this, it's like he's a different fella altogether! It's unbelievable!
Me, I don't care either way. There are lotsa movies he coulda won the Oscar for. That's why I'm in this for as many o' them little gold men as I can get my hands on, see? Yeah! We're gonna teach them Academy bums a lesson they'll never forget once this job is through! Any questions?
Huh?
No, ya friggin' mook, them Bugs Bunny cartoons don't count!
Next: Rita Moreno
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Movies by Edward G. Robinson:
Double Indemnity
Scarlet Street
Previously in this series:
Jack Lemmon
Jean Arthur
Psst. Hey, fella. No. Don't look around. Back here. In the alley. I got the goods. Back in the truck. Yeah, I got the statues. They're already - what do you call it? - monogrammed. One is for "The Sea Wolf" and one for "Scarlet Street". I can make ya' a great deal.
ReplyDeleteTony, you seein' this? I like this broad's style! Do me a favor an' take a look at these Oscars for me, will ya? Good man. I'll be honest wit'cha, dollface, I ain't ever seen "The Sea Wolf," but I looked it up just now and I gotta say it sounds pretty friggin' good! I think we oughta find a place for ya in the organization!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the voice of this piece! I heard him speaking as I read it. He's my favorite part of Double Indemnity (and I'm a Stanwyck nut). He's unforgettable in Key Largo. I named my cat after his role in Little Caesar. I'm with you:)
ReplyDeleteSee boys, here's somebody that gets it. I ain't no fan o' cats - I spent the night with this one chick at her place an' her friggin' cat left hair all over my best pinstriped suit! - but anybody who names their pet after an Eddie G character is aces in my book!
ReplyDeleteTerrific, fun read Rich on one of the snubbest of them all!! Or...you know what I mean!! Any snubfest that doesn't include Eddie G. is no snubfest at al! Steal 'em all for this mug - I agree! THANKS for this post!
ReplyDeleteAurora
Holy mackerel! For a fella I just said wasn't no pretty boy, Eddie G sure got himself a lotta broads who love him! I tell ya what, boys, I think I'm jealous! Welcome t' the party, sister, an' thanks for the good words!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great, entertaining read! Thanks for sharing. Robinson's roles were so diverse, and I feel like THE WHOLE TOWN'S TALKING was a good example of his range in just one film since he played the good guy and the bad one. (Though I love him in DOUBLE INDEMNITY and SCARLET STREET too).
ReplyDeleteHear that, Jimmy? I told ya y'ain't the only one that likes his funny stuff! Jimmy here, he's always gettin' in fights over whether or not Eddie could do comedy. Cracked a pool stick over some mook's head once over it! Why dont'cha go over there an' let him tell that story? He loves talkin' about it!
DeleteSO funny!!!! Thank you,thank you, thank you. Tough for me to write in that style. Doesn't say a lot for that bunch who missed our man year after year.
ReplyDeleteHis greatness isnt in doubt. What were they thinking.
Sweetheart, you said a mouthful! Rocco, I think this crew's gonna work out fine after all. I knew some of 'em hadda have some appreciation o' great actin'!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to hug him in those Fritz Lang/Joan Bennett films and of course spent every year with him through The Ten Commandments. He's one of my classic crushes along with Louis Jourdan (RIP) and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. I Edward G. was multilingual and cultured. It's a travesty my honey bunny didn't win an Oscar.
ReplyDeleteOh and of course I felt so happy for him to eat real food in Solyent Green.
Delete((Okay, getting tired of writing in character, so I'll just say thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you agree.))
ReplyDelete